ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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