Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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