I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
