he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
