I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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