forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
