Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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