I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
