We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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