I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
