They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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