You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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