Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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