My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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