I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
