You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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