He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
