Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
