Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
