You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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