she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
