Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Of course I have a pirate flag
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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