fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
