Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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