Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
