Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
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You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
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Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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