Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
