Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
