please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Boobs speak an international language.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
