I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
