I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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