Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
