Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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