it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
No subtext here. People are naked.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Randomize
