forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
