So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
