how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
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