My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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