I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
