proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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