so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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