I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
