The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
