all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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