I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
