There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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