So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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