So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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