i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
