My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
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WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
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I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize