everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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