garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
