She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
this boner is exhausting
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
