She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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