Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
