He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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