He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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