Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
