I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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