Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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