he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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