So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
