I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Randomize
