um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Randomize
