We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
