i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
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i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
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George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I party with great urgency now.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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