I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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