Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
