Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
